


Like It's Holy

by ifonlyiwaswittier



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - New England, Angst, Artist Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Canon-Typical Violence, Curator Erwin, Depression, Fluff, Gratuitous Banter, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Modern Husbands AU, Nightmares, Obligatory Prostitution AU, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Professor AU, Psych Ward, Ratings by Chapter, Sick Fic, Sick Levi, Southie AU, Teacher Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), The Things Erwin Does for Survey Corps Funding, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Vulnerable Levi, Warnings by chapter, Winter, caring erwin, some bottomwin, there's a bit of everything just poke around, trans erwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13423317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifonlyiwaswittier/pseuds/ifonlyiwaswittier
Summary: Or, 35 Ways to Say "I Love You".Each chapter is a new ficlet in response to a prompt list. Everything from canon-verse angst to modern!AU husband fluff.





	1. As a hello

**Author's Note:**

> (the rest are much longer I swear)

It’s not the first time they have sex, not by a long shot. Erwin can’t really remember the timeline at all, actually, only that his body was a chorus of _ yes, good, perfect _ so overwhelming that watching Levi sink into him from above was like meeting the man for the first time.

When Levi’s movements still to let Erwin adjust, hips flush and chests heaving, Erwin pants “I love you,” by way of hello.


	2. With a hoarse voice, under the blankets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is very sick and Erwin is scared this is the end.
> 
> (canonverse, no warnings, angst and hurt/comfort)

The first day, Levi is a little sluggish at training, breathing harder than normal after a circuit. The next day, waking up in Erwin’s bed before the sunrise, he has a cough, but insists its just from the cold air. By day seven Levi’s body heat keeps Erwin’s bed so hot that they don’t light a fire. They’re both up all night listening to Levi’s ragged breathing.

It is the morning of day ten when Erwin insists that Levi go to the infirmary, when the doctors insist his stays there overnight so they can give him medicine to keep his fever down and help him breathe.

On day eleven, after training and meetings and dinner and paperwork, Erwin receives notice that they’ll be keeping Levi another night. He goes to Levi, trying to appear composed as he rushes through his routine. Everything is being done, he’s told as soon as he arrives, but sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. It’s with a furrowed brow that Erwin watches as Levi’s breathing only got more strained with every breath, the fact that he was showing stress at all alarming.

“Calm down or you’ll only make it worse.” Erwin whispers, running a hand down Levi’s tensed arm. Levi kicks him out, saying lingering was too revealing, too unfit for a Commander.

When Erwin visits Levi on day twelve, Levi’s shaking with a fever that has him radiating heat. They pass most of the time in silence, Erwin knowing Levi won’t be much conversation as he struggles to breath, knowing he won’t be much conversation himself now that his veins pump more worry than blood.

Erwin twines their fingers together, both their hands as cold as ice, and Levi says, “I don’t want to be sick,” voice full of something Erwin is loathe to call fear. Levi lets him stay until the nurses kick him out.

By day thirteen, Levi is in a fevered daze, breathe rattling in his chest as he slips out of the infirmary and wanders the halls of headquarters, never soothed until he finds Erwin. The doctors need Levi in bed so it is with great relief that Erwin listens to their advice and sets up an mobile office in the small bit of privacy created by the curtains around Levi, their own little world.

Erwin quickly finds that the small table and stacks of paperwork delivered to the infirmary are pointless though, the sight of Levi’s back arching off the sweat stained sheets, of him gasping and writhing in an attempt to force more air into his lungs, fills Erwin to the brim, pushing out all other thoughts.

Day fourteen is spent mopping Levi’s brow, using shaking fingers to lift the small mask, now always on Levi’s face to help him breathe, to push ice chips against his lips until he accepts them. Erwin strokes Levi’s hair until he’s soothed, until he stops mumbling sleepily in some Underground dialect Erwin only half understands. Levi only really wakes up for a few minutes that day, although he’s never quite asleep either.

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asks as he brings a hand up to cup Levi’s cheek. The question is stupid, Erwin knows that, the man looks half dead, skin waxy pale and eyes circled so deeply they almost look bruised.

Levi presses his face into the touch, his cheekbone sharp against Erwin’s palm, and Erwin feels the sudden, overwhelming urge to cry.

“Tired,” Levi says, voice hushed and gravelly under the mask, slurring over the word.

“Don’t give up,” Erwin pleads fiercely. “You have to keep fighting.”

Levi huffs humorlessly, the sound quickly turning into a body wracking cough. “Always fighting,” Levi says when his breathing calms down. Erwin isn’t sure what it means, Levi’s voice taking on that toneless tone of the exhausted.

“Please,” Erwin all but begs as Levi’s eyes start to drift shut.

“Not giving up,” he mumbles, nuzzling into Erwin’s hand. The mask feels cold and hard compared the wet, burning skin of Levi’s forehead. “Just sleeping.”

As day fourteen turns into fifteen, Erwin truly believes that Levi will die. Drifting somewhere between sleeping and not, head resting against the edge of Levi’s bed, mind racing with not the not-quite-dreams of anxious rest, Erwin jerks into awake when Levi starts coughing again. That night, when Levi’s breathing stops, when Erwin screams for someone, anyone to help them, nurses come rushing in, practically shoving a tube down Levi’s throat and squeezing a bag attached to force air into his lungs. Levi comes spluttering back to life, trembling.

The doctors say they’ll need to empty Levi’s lungs of fluid. They’d wanted to avoid it, too much risk of giving him another illness, but now… They’ll put Levi under, the doctor reassures Erwin, he won’t feel a thing.

Erwin tells the doctor to do whatever she needs to do but the sight of liquid the color of cheap ale flowing into a bucket from Levi’s lungs, his friend, his Captain, his lover, makes him sick to his stomach.

As the light of the fifteenth day turns into dusk, Levi shows no signs of waking up even though the doctor had said they were done with the anesthesia. It’s a starless, cloudy night and Erwin spends it with the food some cadet brought him get cold, wondering how he should say goodbye to the man who had become so much to him, wondering if maybe he should pray. He clutches at Levi’s hand, eyes never straying. Even if Levi doesn’t know, Erwin wants to be there, wants to know exactly when it ends.

It scares Erwin half to death when Levi’s eyes shoot open.

“Please,” Levi croaks after a heaving cough.

“What do you need?” Erwin asks, squeezing Levi’s hand tight.

“Please…” Levi repeats. “Erwin.”

“Yes, I’m here.” Erwin whispers, leaning in close, lips brushing against the shell of Levi’s. “I’m right here, Levi.”

“Do you know?”

“Do I know what?”

“I need you to know,” Levi mumbles, voice hoarse and body shaking despite the piles of blankets heaped on top of him. Erwin thinks that sometimes realization is a cold, hard thing.

“Yes, of course I know.” He says, the tears he’d kept at bay all day finally spilling over. He presses a kiss to Levis forehead, holding the thin hand tight enough to break. “Of course I know.”

The first light of day sixteen breaks over them like an egg into a frying pan, breaking Levi’s fever with it. The weight of relief on Erwin’s heart is so heavy that it breaks too.


	3. A scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is running away from home. (modern, high school AU. tw: discussions of abuse/neglect, description of an injury)

Erwin woke to the sound of his phone vibrating, confused because it was still dark out, more confused when he realized it wasn’t his alarm but a call, and even more confused when he saw he’d missed four others.

A text from Levi: _Down the block from your house._

Getting texts from his boyfriend, the secret one he was approaching a one month anniversary with, made his heart turn over like the engine on the old Subaru he had bought used and fixed up with Levi- smoothly and without fail. Even ominous 2am texts couldn’t douse his excitement as he pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt and tiptoed past his mom's room, knowing exactly which floorboards creaked, and descended into the late summer night.

Levi was sitting on the front step of a vacant house down the block, a cigarette held loosely in hand. Erwin had to stop himself from a giddy wave as he ran down the block, instead settling on what he hoped was a cool “Hey,” as his bare feet slapped on the cool concrete.

Erwin liked Levi because he was so many things Erwin was not. Small and dark, quiet but tough,  a smoker, from downtown and at the same private school on a scholarship. But tonight, as Erwin got closer, he could see his boyfriend’s eye was swollen shut, an angry mark quickly turning to a bruise on his left cheek, on the wrist attached to the hand that held his cigarette. Erwin had seen the bruises before, had wanted to kiss them better too tenderly for a 17 year old boy during their always hurried, sometimes shy undressings of each other, had wondered at them even as he secretly knew that only belts made marks like that. The marks had never been so obvious though, saved for just Erwin and their private moments.

“Are you okay?” Erwin said in a hurry.

His boyfriend crushed the butt of his cigarette against the white stained front porch of the house, smoked down to the filter. The whole motion was slow and calm, determined.

“I’m leaving. I came to say goodbye.”

Erwin spluttered, Levi having seemingly taken all the composure and kept it for himself. “Leaving? Where are you going?”

“I bought a bus ticket to New York.” Levi said, avoiding eye contact.

“Levi, you can’t just-” Erwin said, suddenly panicked, and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re 17. You can’t just leave. What about school?”

They were just about to start their senior year. In quiet moments that Erwin would never share, he dreamed of them going to college together, far away. A fresh start for both of them would be great as long as they had each other.

_What about me?_ he wanted to ask.

“I’ll be 18 soon. I’ll figure it out.”

“You can't! Goddammit, I love you!” He screamed. His heart was an engine, racing, unable to stop. For a second, Levi’s his face fell but just as quickly, he came back together, determination firmly in place.

“Hush with that,” he said, rising and brushing imaginary dust off his pants. “You’ll wake up the whole neighborhood.”

Erwin felt tears in his eyes and cursed himself for not being stronger for Levi. They had only been dating a month but they’d been so much more than just boyfriends to each other for so long. They were supposed to stay together. They were supposed to save each other.

“I can’t stay here and get the shit beaten out me anymore. I mean fuck, Erwin, I’m starving. I need to eat.”

“Let me feed you, keep you safe.” Erwin said immediately, knowing damn well that he couldn’t. Levi smiled, hands on both side of Erwin’s face to pull him down and kiss his hair. Always too tender for two 17 year old boys.

“I’m leaving my phone but I’ll send you postcards, okay?”

Erwin pushed his head into Levi’s lips, wanting nothing more than to be taken in by him, taken to New York to create a life together, knowing again that he couldn’t.

“God, Erwin,” Levi huffed in a laugh against Erwin’s hair. “I love you too, you idiot.” Erwin nodded, hair rubbing against Levi’s lips, making his scalp sing. He had always known, would always know.

“Don’t let how fucked up I am fuck you up.” Levi added, taking a step back from Erwin. “What time is it?”

Erwin pulled his phone out of his pocket, clicked the home button to illuminate the screen. “2:38.”

“I gotta start walking back to the bus stop,” Levi said, stooping down to pick up a backpack Erwin hadn’t noticed before. “You live in no man's land.”

Erwin wanted to pull Levi in, to hold him close, but he couldn’t move. He stood stock still, back stiff, as Levi swung his backpack onto his shoulders. “I’ll follow you,” he said as they stepped off the front porch together.

He knew, for the third time that night, that he couldn’t.


	4. Over a cup of tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin brings tea to Levi. (canonverse, pre-canon, mentions of Petra, no warnings)

Three quick raps announce Erwin's arrival at Levi's office, tea tray balanced in the other hand.

“Erwin?” Levi asks, muffled through the wood.

“Yes,” Erwin replies, raising his voice so it carries through. “I brought tea.”

“Door’s unlocked.”

Erwin maneuvers in a careful balancing act, turning the door knob with his free hand before pushing the door open with his foot. Levi is hunched over his desk, head practically touching his papers, and Erwin briefly wonders what Levi would look like with glasses.

“Thanks,” Levi mumbles without looking up as Erwin sets a cup of tea at his elbow.

“Still busy?” Erwin asks as he sits on the corner of the desk.

“Yeah, shit ton of paperwork to add one goddamn member to my squad.”

“Well, it’s not technically a squad in the traditional sense-”

Levi looks up to level Erwin with a heatless glare. “You know Zackley’s just gonna wipe his ass with this, right?”

Erwin huffs a laugh. “Survey Corps paper isn’t good enough for his shit.”

Levi makes that odd barking sound that Erwin has come to recognize as his laugh.

“Are you sure Ral is a good addition?” Erwin asks before Levi has a chance to turn back to his papers.

“Do you think she’s not?”

“I trust your judgement,” Erwin says, gaze heavy.

“I think Petra will round out the group,” Levi says, turning to sign a paper without flourish. “Plus,” he adds, distracted now as his eyes run over another form, “Do you have any idea how terrible it is to lead  _ men _ ?”

“I think I have an idea,” Erwin says with a smile. They settle into an easy silence, the sound of Levi’s pen scratching filling the room until Erwin yawns.

“Go to bed, old man. I’ve still got a while left,” Levi says, eyes still on his work.

“Come to bed with me. This can wait til morning.”

“Clearly lack of sleep is making you delirious,” Levi hums. “What self respecting Captain would sleep with his Commander?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Erwin says, tone falsely thoughtful as he slid off the desk. “Insubordination is sexy though,” he adds as he sits to straddle Levi’s lap.

“Oi! Get off, you elephant! You’re going to crush me!” Levi grumbles, hands loosely batting at Erwin’s chest.

“I can’t say you seem particularly bothered though.” Erwin smirks, shifting his hips meaningfully.

“Five minutes then bed.”

Erwin hums as he tips Levi’s head back. “Think you can wait five minutes?” He murmurs before he draws Levi in for a kiss.

“I’m a patient man,” Levi says with a frown.

“Well I’m not.” Erwin nips at Levi’s neck. “Love you,” he breathes against Levi’s pulse point.

“Yeah, yeah,” Levi teases, but his eyes are shining and his hands are already clutching at the back of Erwin’s shirt. “Let’s see if you’re not too old to get it up.”

Their tea cools on the desk, quickly and easily forgotten.


	5. Over a beer bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon era fluff. (no warnings)

**** The bars near Headquarters are always busy the night after an expedition. As a rule, Levi and Erwin avoid the bars in general. But this expedition had been particularly successful, a Titan capture with almost no casualties, so Levi offered to buy Erwin a bottle of beer despite how meager his salary is. At the beginning of the night, soldiers came up to congratulate the pair on a successful mission. But by the time it happens, the Cadets and Veterans alike are mostly clustered around the bar, leaving Erwin and Levi to nurse one beer each at their quiet corner table.

Levi can’t remember what they were even talking about but then Erwin says, “I’d marry you in a heartbeat, if I got the chance,” as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

He stares at Erwin, absolutely stunned, almost all of him screaming to run. Instead, he grabs Erwin’s hand under the table and squeezes as tight as he can without causing harm. He doesn’t let go until the bar is closing and they’re being kicked out.


	6. On a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern AU dating/ocean fluff. (no warnings)

It’s their sixth date. Not like Erwin is counting or anything. He definitely isn’t, for the record, because Mike informed him that counting after the third or fourth date was kind of creepy and obsessive. It’s just easy to keep track of things with Levi. It’s easy to remember that Levi likes chamomile tea with lemon especially when it comes from his favorite cafe down by Union Station, that he prefers comic books to novels because he says they’re more expressive, that he really wishes he could own an old truck but that it’d just be impractical in the city.

Even dating is already complicated. They both work weird schedules but Levi seems committed to stealing every moment possible with Erwin, enjoying just being together when they can’t make time for a proper date. One night Levi even brought flowers to his apartment just for them to have a movie night, a display of tenderness that seems unmatched with the way Levi looks, all undercut and tattoos and slouchy beanies and frowns. But when they have the time, Levi likes to drive Erwin to the coast, up north to Maine where it’s colder but also deserted on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in October. They walk on the beach, shoes in in hand, shoulders close enough to brush.

Erwin wants to know everything about Levi, wants to learn him like he learned to speak, naturally and without thinking. He already knows Levi's barely there summer tan is quickly giving way to winter pale, glasses too big on his too sharp face, nose crooked from being broken and reset several too many times. Erwin knows that his hair covers disproportionate ears, that his button downs cover a thick, gnarled scar that runs down his spine from childhood surgery that plunged his single mother into debt. He knows Levi's jeans show off the muscles that his layered jackets hide, when they're together his eyes shine silver with a private happiness, and the afternoon glows in the hair that pokes out from under his beanie, the light bringing out the auburns and deep blues in the normally inky black. The sight makes Erwin want kiss Levi’s hair and learn the taste of the sun.

“I feel like I’ve been here with you before.” Erwin says, awed. “Not like the last time we were here but… before. It’s weird but I feel like I’ve been here with you before I even knew you.”

“No,” Levi reassures him. Erwin is beginning to think that Levi's gentle smiles are reserved for him alone. “I feel like that too.”

It feels right in a way he can’t explain, Erwin decides, to see the ocean with Levi. It feels perfect.


	7. As a thank you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon era winter bath-time fluff. (no warnings)

Winter training was hard and not just because of the freezing temperatures and howling winds. Snow closed half the grounds, forcing Erwin to perform logistical feats to organize all the squads’ training times. Even worse, when Erwin had to run an exercise that would normally involve all the soldiers at once, the winter restrictions would force him to run it with smaller groups, at least doubling his time in the cold.

Being outside from just after dawn until long after the sunset was a rare occurrence, one that the thickest wool coats from supplies couldn’t have prepared him for. He was still shivering as he made his way to the washroom, hoping to warm up with some scalding hot water. It was perfectly unsurprising, but still made warmth bubble up from deep inside, to hear Levi’s mumbling the words to an old Underground tune as he rounded the corner.

Erwin watched from the doorway, as Levi took the last bucket of water and filled the tub the tub to sloshing over, the biggest the Corps had but still slightest too small for Erwin. Levi's singing voice, deep and rough and rolling, lilted over the mellow tune, the words rumbling in both their chests.

“I’ll have dinner sent up for you,” Levi said, cutting off his song mid-chorus. “But bathe first.”

Erwin stripped and sank into the water, still so hot that he felt like he was trying to rip a scabbed on bandage off a wound. It felt good, thawing something inside him besides the cold from outside. He sighed deeply, a smile spreading across his face.

Levi coaxed Erwin’s foot out the bath, bring an equally warm washcloth up to it and starting to wash between the pink toes. Erwin hummed, slipping further into the water to raise his foot higher and give Levi better access. First, Levi would clean him. Then they’d go back to his quarters, where Levi had surely already started a fire, and share tea and a meal. And then they’d tumble into bed, having each other slow and sweet and warm in all the ways that training in the winter was not. 

“You’re an easy man to love, Levi,” Erwin nearly moaned as Levi ran the washcloth over the sole of the bathing man’s foot.

“You’re welcome,” Levi said, lowering the first foot in the bath and picking up the other. Erwin didn’t need to see beyond the curtain of hair that the obscured Levi’s face to know the other man was blushing.


	8. When baking chocolate chip cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Modern husbands fluff (no warnings).

Piles of flour and sugar formed waves and crests over the dark marble countertops of their shared home, looking almost exactly the same as the snow drifts the wind piled against the fence of their backyard. Erwin hated how Levi’s holiday schedule included working weekends, but he also enjoyed that it gave him the time to make something to spoil Levi when he came home.

Levi, however, was not of the same thinking, throwing on his apron and muttering about the “goddamn mess in my nice ass kitchen, come on Erwin”, as he picked up the trash can and threw egg shells inside.

Erwin, unperturbed, put another tray of chocolate chip cookies in the oven. As the kettle whistled for the tea, and Levi took a cleaning rag to milk splatter on the backsplash, he smiled. He picked up one of the cookies from the cooling rack and waved it in front of Levi’s face.

Levi looked between the cookie and the man, movement slowing, slightly mollified. He took a bite from the cookie in Erwin’s hand, his lips doing that small quirk that, after so many years together, Erwin recognized as a smile.

“I’m making Earl Grey,” Erwin said, tucking Levi close against his body.

Levi’s smile widened. “Love you too,” he mumbled around a bite of cookie. “But you’re still helping to clean up this mess.”

Erwin hummed back, content. God help him, he was so in love.


End file.
